 aggie
Ferguson: For a Reason
What I am about to share with you
may confuse you in the
beginning. But you will understand
how it all comes together in the end.
I grew up in
Connecticut, raised in a close- knit Italian family.
This family included my mom, dad,
sister, myself
grandparents
and great grandparents all living under one roof, in a large apartment
complex.
My grandmother was my second mother, my rock I called her.
Two years ago my grandmother became ill
with cancer. Due to her age of 92
, she was unable to have surgery or treatment. Therefore,
she suffered with pain and felt extremely ill for
sometime before passing away. I
was an emotional wreck; her death was very difficult for me to accept.
I mourned her death for what seemed to
me an eternity but I came to accept it and got through it. After, I
prayed,
“Lord, I know that as difficult as it has been to get through
this, I know it
has strengthened me FOR A REASON”.
Sometime later, I met Kay, at my daughter’s
elementary school, a
70-year-old grandmother, who was raising her grandson and battling a
reoccurrence of breast cancer. We
both picked our kids up from school.
Everyday when I saw her sitting in the hall, I
was compelled to sit with
her and talk. She was an
inspiration, so courageous, so strong, raising a grandson, being
treated for
cancer and doing it all without much support or help from others. With
her I
shared my deep sympathy for the loss of my grandmother, she her wisdom.
She was there for me and I for
her. One day I wondered, why? Why
do I sit with her everyday? I felt
God had put her in my path FOR A REASON, at that time, I did not know
the
reason. Today I do..
In
October of 2004, I went
to the doctor to have a change I noticed several months prior examined.
I was given an appointment for a
mammogram. On November 1st, I had
my mammogram, the same day I was advised to go to The Greensboro Breast
Center
as soon as possible. On November 2nd, I found myself at the Greensboro
Breast
Center having a biopsy. On
November 3rd, the day I lost my grandmother in
Italy, I was
diagnosed with malignant breast cancer. My mother who had been in Italy
caring
for her dying mother, came to North Carolina as soon as she could and
stayed
with me for 6 months of my treatment. It was sad to have lost another
grandmother but she went home to be with God, I feel, because God knew
I would
need my mother and my mother me.
On November 4th,
after explaining my diagnosis to two
friends who work at my daughter’s elementary school, they
asked if I have ever
asked Jesus to come into my heart.
I told them I had heard about this but had
never done it. The next day, after
walking my daughter
to her classroom, I met my friends Tammy and Betty.
We went in to the employee restroom and there
I asked Jesus
to come into my heart and the three of us prayed together.
On November 7th the night before surgery, I
prayed and
begged God, to be with me the next day, that I would need him to carry
me to
the OR I was afraid, I wanted peace, I gave it all to him. On November 8th,
I awoke, peaceful, calm and quiet.
I remember kissing my children goodbye.
My husband drove me to the surgery center, I
remember
feeling peaceful, calm and quiet.
In the prep room my husband and best friend
were there with me for
support. The nurse came in and
said, “Time to go to surgery”; I got up and walked
down the hall into the OR
and up 2 steps onto the operating table, peaceful; calm and quiet. At
that
time, my prayer had been forgotten; I did not realize the calm was from
God.
After several days home my best
friend, Annette came over and she said,
“Aggie, did they give you any valium before surgery?
Nerve pills? You were so calm.
It is then I said, Annette, it was God, he was
with me, he
gave me peace and calm, he carried me to the OR like I had asked in my
prayer.
She believed me, she has been my friend long enough and
knew of my anxiousness.
Shortly after surgery
my surgeon told me that I had stage 3 cancer,
4 nodes positive and that
he had removed 8. I was angry,
bitter and afraid. I walked out on
him. I was in denial. Although, this is when my mother and I prayed
aloud in
the car, in the morning and in the evening. Several weeks later I saw
my
oncologist for the pathology report and treatment protocol . She tells
my
husband and I that I have late stage 2 Cancer and will be ok with an
aggressive
treatment, (8 chemo treatments and
30 radiation treatments). My husband and I said this must be a mistake,
the
surgeon said it was a stage 3. Although, before starting treatment, I
need to
have bone scans and cat scans. I knew what this meant.
I went home and my mother and I prayed
in the car, read the bible, prayed in the morning and in the evening. I
went
for the scans, peacefully, calmly and quietly. The
results came back.
“Negative”.
There are no
mistakes you see, to me it was and is a MIRACLE.
On December 15th,
I received; my 1st chemo treatment, I feel I can
do this. Around treatment #4, I was
getting
restless, impatient, feeling sorry for myself, still afraid, angry and
bitter.
I can stand here and honestly say that, there were days I was down and
wallowing in self-pity. People
couldn’t see it externally but I felt it internally.
Although every time without fail.
I would go to the store, the bank, and the
doctor’s office.
The Cancer Center and someone would come up to me and say.
Do you have cancer? Breast cancer?
I’m a survivor, or my mother,
sister,
aunt, grandmother, friend are survivors. Coincidence? No, I told my
mother and
others, A REASON, these were people God sent to me or worked through
because I needed comfort, needed
to hear what they said. At the
majority
of these encounters, the person sharing their story with me and I were
often
brought to tears. I thanked each
and every person I met FOR A REASON, they were my angels in disguise.
I no longer feel sorry
for myself, through this tribulation. When
people say how unlucky you are my dear, so young.
I reply, unlucky, no, BLESSED, yes. Because I
have grown
spiritually, found a great church, I have encouraged and brought
comfort to
others. Most importantly I have grown to know God, feel God, talk about
God and
love him with my whole heart.
You see, when God works
it is definitely in mysterious ways. From the ashes came bouquets of
blessings. I thank God for each
new day, I give him my fears and my anxieties about this illness
everyday and
yes take it back and give it back again. That is when I must remember. Courage is fear that has
said its prayers. If Jesus brought me to it, he will bring me through
it. So above all things I want to
thank him
the rock of my strength. I will praise him with all of my heart and I
will tell
of all of his great wonders .For without him I would not be here,
without him I
would not have come this far.
Thank you Jesus. I love you with all of my
heart with all of my soul and
with all that I am.
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